Summer of 2016! One day at a time. I’m on a spiritual journey, figuring out life and contemplating my existence. How is it all connected and where does it all go.
We are all on a journey whether to find ourselves, get healthy, or be creative #thisismyjourney
Will you share yours?
Carrying the burden of everyone's responsibility over my shoulder.
Not being able to cry when I would want because you know, I am THE MAN.
Not being able to play from the Barbie dolls
And forced to play with manly racer cars and dinosaurs even when I hated them all. They were not as colourful as the barbies.
Being teased in my school for liking the colour pink.
Because you know, PINK IS THE COLOR GIRLS LIKE. Well, no one called her MANLY when she liked the colour Blue or Black or even Brown. Why was I labelled then?
I was called a gay because the color of the shirt I wore was baby pink.
Well, if girls wear that, you cutely call them "cute." When I wear it, it is "gay." When a girl would tease a boy, it is okay for her to do that, she did not mean to hurt me
But when I do that with a girl, I am a sadistic pig.
When I, accidentally, tripped over a girl because of physics (inertia), I was beaten up and called a vagabond who does not respect the other gender. And when the same thing happened to me, I was called a despo trying to come into her way!
Lesbian is cute. Gay is so gay. Gay is yuck! You call a guy gay when you wanna insult him. But when girls call each other lesbians, it is alright or in fact, sexyyyyy.
Rape with a guy is okay. Because he would have enjoyed it anyway. Which guy won't enjoy sex; consensual or not, doesn't matter! For them, rape is just like surprise sex. But if that happens with a girl, it is RAPE.
I told my pals that I have been harrassed by a female colleague, this is what they said- 'I know her, she's so hot, you must enjoy being harrassed!'
And when a girl would tell someone a stuff like that, everyone will come forward to help her. But what about me, AM I JUST THE LAUGHING-STOCK?
I was always taught to hide my emotions, be brave, be man enough, not to be girlish.
A MAN NEEDS TO BE STRONG AND BRAVE, NO MATTER WHAT!
Dear those whose dreams have been shattered,
I know how hard you tried. I know the labour you put into it; how many nights you stayed up for that one exam, one position, one person- I know the pain that pinched the chambers of your heart so bad that you could no longer feel anything but the blanket of that very pain cover every part of your body like a shroud of the dead.
Ms eyes have looked at those thrones as longingly as yours have; I’ve watched the seat being snatched away in front of my very own eyes- it was close enough for me to touch it, but not reachable enough for me to grab it. I know how it feels when someone unworthy takes away the plant of hope you nurtured ever since you put your feet on the soil; I know how your eyes go numb seeing it all go away, in the flash of a lightning.
Sometimes, life leaves such scars, such wounds that you can never recover from it- you do not have the guts to touch the injury, neither do you have the will to heal it. So it stands there, like a canvas of unfinished brush strokes, waiting to be thrown out or be transformed into a masterpiece.
You crash into a wall; you’re shattered, broken, dying from inside but all you can do is feign a smile and let the world think that you’re content in your very own space. Your soul is crying, sobbing, stopping; then, starting all over again. It is collecting the broken pieces, but dropping them again, unsure of the results. It is finding ways to forget, to repress. After a point, it succeeds- your tears dry up and your body stops shivering. There remains, however, trapped inside a dark cell of your heart, a voice banging onto the cell doors, craving to scream. A pain, which pretends to have ceased but remaining right there like a sculpture beside the threshold of your door- greeting you every morning and night.
I know this voice.
I know the pain.
I know it hurts a lot.
Tell him, it’s okay, even when it’s not.
A girl whose dreams lie broken in front of her.
Open letter by #Aashna | ( @aashna__agrawal_ )