Can't sleep. Over a decade and #twiztid is still helping me out... mentally. My folks hated them...but if it wasn't for songs like this...I wouldn't know what to do with myself when i was 13 and diagnosed with #majordeppressivedisorder#majordepression ...I'll tough it out again...like I ALWAYS have to.....but I have to admit...I haven't had this level of...just... Being emotionally manipulated before...and I've been homeless 5 times before my age now (27)......consistently...which makes me realize how I can be a little more tolerable but my base survival instincts reject the notion of vulnerability...some of the places I've lived in life...vulnerability is not something to show slowly what I feel is starting to be...my base instinct mode being the only one that I can trust or matters ...because it's all I had before...and I almost wanna invite it to steer the boat...because ..I feel something happening in my brain...I am starting to see things differently...there are good things I can do...and there is just darker paths...and the good part wants to be a nicer more solid person...it's a lighter way to exist and move through life...but I am so use to...gutter treatment...that I struggle just to feel grey most days...or it's just bad...I can safely say...ostricization is a consistent thing I am going to force myself to accept... #mentalillness is #fuckedup I am coming to terms with the fact that I am going to be alone for even longer. I love the people that still care about me, but it's just too much to explain...its not that...it's too HARD to explain...I am grateful for my mortality...if I am always ready mentally to die...then maybe I can live without fear someday...in time...and I am not thinking about offing myself early in life...so don't take it that way...song just helped me before the diagnosis as a child...I was always like this...looking back...at the memorable parts...guess I'm just wired wrong...still here though...still...here...Til I can go back to being...stardust...floating away again...beyond sentience... recycled...peacefully...asleep...
" I smoke a cigarette and hope for the best but sometimes" that cigarette is just smoke in the chest. And I lay in bed but it's nothing to do with getting rest.Instead I use it as an escape from all the mess. Nothing seems to matter. I'm only getting sadder and sadder 'cause im not even sure what I'm after. I know my life's a disaster and I better straighten it out and stand tall,or fall victim of getting caught in a spiralling downfall of emotion that I call Devotion and Destruction of everything and it's my fault. I'm hoping to try more,let's open up my door and let em know that I'm bringing me back like an encore." -Monoxide/Twiztid.
Thanks to @ellebeast1 for this one! This Uncare Bear looks like he's ready to do a Blaze and Anybody Killa (that's a Drive-By)! 💵😂👊🐻
Bonus points to anyone who gets BOTH music references in the above post! Hopefully the new @turncoat_dirty comes in tonight!