I'm feeling like a grandma in this picture. The hair is wrap up in a towel after I took a refreshing shower.
I feel a lot better by just taking a simple shower. It does require a lot more effort because I'm so weak and have to deal with the IV. 🎶Now it's nap time!🎶 #crohns#ostomy#ostomate#stoma#stomabag
Since I've started my ED recovery a few months ago, this cute little hot-water bottle became one of my best friends. It is meant for babies but I love it because of its tiny size, it is perfect to lay on my belly without covering my ostomy. Physical symptoms of ED recovery like water rentention, bloating, nausea and abdominal pain are really annoying and I'm still trying to get used to them and don't let them affect my recovery but it's really hard some times. (especially at days with really bad body image because of my body image disturbance) ❗ TMI warning: also my hormons are starting to work again the past few weeks and I finally got my period back today, there were signs of it already a few weeks ago but it took a bit longer for my body to figure things out. I'm curious to know if it will stay like this or if it's disappearing again, like the last few weeks. TMI end. ❗ Seeing my body working so hard to recover from all the damaged I caused because of my eating disorders is really hard and I'm so thankful for that but my mind is still going crazy, my urge to relapse is still sky high but I try to ignore it and I try to resist it every single day. I hope it will get better some day and I hope I'm able to recover fully without relapsing. All those physical and mental ED problems added to my other physical and mental illnesses are really overwhelming but I try my best to function somehow, even if I'm struggling daily. Hopefully my next therapy appointment on Tuesday will help me and maybe we can find a solution for me either I will be admitted at an other psychosomatic clinic or my therapist will continue ambulante therapy and were looking for an other way to get me stable. Let's see. I hope you're all doing well and you're able to enjoy this nice Sunday ☀️❤️
I finally made it outside to walk to the shops. It’s taken over 20 tshirt changes and an hour to try and feel comfortable and hide my ostomy. I’m only going to the shop because I need dog poo bags for MYSELF.
My ostomy delivery came but they didn’t put in the disposal bags..... and it’s bank holiday. My delivery was supposed to be sent yesterday. But I rang them and said I’ve not had the confirmation text and she said it wasn’t going to be delivered til Tuesday. I’m like erm well that’s a problem. I have the bag I’m wearing. And two left. And recently due to leaks I’m going through more than before. So she managed to get a special delivery sent out this morning. Since I changed GP they take forever to issue my prescription whereas my last GP surgery got it done straight away. Don’t they see it’s not something that I just use rarely. It’s not an accessory. It’s something I NEEDDDDD. It’s not as if I can go running round with a plastic food bag on me Cos I’m sure I’d be 💩 everywhere. Not nice for me and everyone else.
I’m home alone this weekend. So I decided to ask my brother if he would see Deadpool 2 with me later as I have a gift card. Cinema is MEGA expensive now! Reminds me why I won’t go.
Mayo Clinic was overall a success! I'm so glad I went but even more happy that I don't need more surgery any time soon, but concerned that I'm still dealing with pain in a daily basis. And unsure if I will need to keep my ostomy permanently or not. For now we will continue with Humira and test my enzyme levels to proceed with the proper premedication treatment to prevent more reactions and 🤞🤞🤞 I can reach remission! #mayo#mayoclinic#crohns#crohnie#ostomate#ostomy#colostomy#autoimmunedisease
Playing some Animal Crossing New Leaf to get my mind off things. I'm struggling with really bad anxiety, panic attacks, the feeling I can't breathe and a really bad fear of death caused by my ptsd the last few months. I'm not able to sleep at night because of that and it's getting worse and worse. I'm falling asleep at day time for maybe half an hour each time because of the sleep deprivation from the last months but it's always the same, I'm waking up because of a panic attack and I'm so confused that I have no idea what's happening. My heart is beating so fast and I always get the feeling that I can't breathe, I'm shaking like crazy and the fear of death is incredibly huge. It affects my life so much because all of these symptoms are additonal to my eating disorders, my self harm issues, my anxiety in general and my ocd, I can't cope with all of that these days, it's so hard to handle it. My therapist wants me to be admitted at an other psychosomatic hospital (which is placed in Munich, around 120 km away from my home town) but I'm not sure about it. We have to discuss this topic on Tuesday because maybe I will agree to another stay but I'm not able to accept all of the things she wants me to do after the admission, maybe we can figure out a solution which is the best for both of us. One of my biggest wishes is to be able to continue my therapy with her cause I have really huge trust issues and I took me almost a year to be able to talk open to her, and I'm still not trusting her a hundred percent even if she is so caring and always here for me. So moving into an other place after the hospital stay and changing my therapist is no option for me at all which was one of her ideas. Hopefully we will find a solution. I hope you guys are feeling well, have a nice day ☀️