So i'm trying to focus on the positive. There is still no communication. It's so difficult to even give them eye contact let alone have conversations with them though I am trying with my positive lists about them. If anything ever happened to them how could I forgive myself? I'll only ever have two parents while there are people out there who have lost either one or both parents & would give anything to have them back. But again, I can only go by my own mindset, my world & how I'm feeling at the present moment but I AM trying!! I decide to invite my mam out for drinks, during the daytime, to "have a chat" . She knows i've never asked this before & it's 4:30pm on a wednesday & she says yes so that's a good sign, and we head out to a local pub. I am absolutely full of anxiety, at the fact that I have not talked to her about ANYTHING going on in my head. In the past I was just reacting negatively and shutting down, so it's time to lay everything down on the table.
What outcome am I hoping for? I'm hoping that after this that she will have some awareness to what our family life has been like for me. To understand me more & to have a better relationship with her. You cant change what you dont acknowledge so if she knows all of this then things could improve after?
I'm not going to go into the ins & outs of the whole conversation but she did agree to everything I said, it was just weird that there was just no remorse....no apology.
I don't know what I was expecting to be honest. I couldn't expect miracles to happen after it but I was hoping for some improvement. It might have all been my fault for reacting by shutting down in the past. Either way, I had to grow some balls, be uncomfortable and open up! So I went home feeling that there was no acknowledgment or awareness. Even though I said EVERYTHING, nothing had changed, so that was the moment that I had to let go of the past and move on. It is what it is and its not just about the family life, but more like how I reacted to it. So im not a child anymore and i'm now responsible for my own happiness and reactions so its time to put the resentment, blame EVERYTHING away for good and accept that!
Se trata de mantener una actitud adecuada en la práctica de #Mindfulness , sin juicios mientras estás observado lo que está sucediendo. 🙏🙏🙏
New blog post has just gone live - yipeeee! This one’s all about the health benefits of the ocean: getting in it, walking near it, breathing the air in etc! 🌊 Inspired by the glorious morning I had just the other day on my local beach ☺️💕 As if you need an excuse to get yourself to the seaside as summer seems to be giving us a little teaser over here in the UK, do go and have a read if you’d like to know why getting by the sea makes us feel so bloody wonderful 🙌 This photo’s from one of the best weeks of my life at @escapehaven in Bali. 📷 @balion_indi 💖
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