• Sometimes i just really want to drop everything. leave all my belonings and everyone to just live in a simple tent in the middle of the desert, wear just simple robes praying and reading all day
And night or whenever i want, I'd light a fire in the cold night, sit close to it brewing fresh tea and lose myself in the pages lit up by the moonlight
This world has stolen our lives with all it's false promises and temporary attractions, we need to reclaim ourselves
And that starts with separating oneself from this world, all the materialistic stuff. still there's always some who'll hustle to be seen, while others, will grind just to disepear
when you used to dream about big stone mansion and cars. now you just wanna a wooden hut and some fruit trees you grow yourself
And they will ask you about "the love of loneliness"
craving 'Lgey6na' so badly rn
Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit lonely... craving more real friendships in the area that are accessible. But more than that, I’ve been craving kids for Vienna to be around. She legitimately starts talking around kids and gets super excited. She’s with adults 24/7... and I just see her eyes when she’s experiencing other kids. I know in His timing these things will happen, though. Today, after church we went to my parent’s for lunch and then Jeremy, Vienna and I went on a walk. During this time I realized that although I don’t always have access to girl friends my age or Vienna doesn’t get to babble to other kiddos very often, that I’m thankful. Jeremy is the best friend I could ever ask for and my parents have been there since day #1 never leaving my side. I can also be my annoying sometimes awkward self without reservation. So, my heart is full... I guess is what I’m saying... on a lighter note, my Opal house rug RULES!
Life has lost meaning. Everything is tainted. No one can be trusted. Nothing has value anymore because everything can be taken or corrupted. The only way to protect myself from more pain is to emotionally detach from everyone and everything. Nothing can hurt me now because nothing matters. I am sure not free of pain, rather i builded walls from it and isolated myself to the point that it becomes easier to simply not speak and hope the world forgets me. Even anger and rage died, nothing is worth being angry over because it has no value. This also robs me of the ability to enjoy anything, due to the feeling of not wanting to build up another disappointement. It's easier to simply pass on anything potentially enjoyable because it could also turn painfull as well. Love, hope, trust, loyalty, even friendship became lies. You don't want what i feel.