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Why does a mile feel pathetic? Oh right, anxiety. It’s winning this week, not gonna lie. Gonna run anyway. I set a goal. I’ll make it to five. Even if it’s just one for a long time. Anxiety tells me one mile is pathetic. But I’m guessing anxiety is wrong. #anxiety #run #mentalhealthblogger #momblogger #ymca #igotthis #fuckyousad
Why does a mile feel pathetic? Oh right, anxiety. It’s winning this week, not gonna lie. Gonna run anyway. I set a goal. I’ll make it to five. Even if it’s just one for a long time. Anxiety tells me one mile is pathetic. But I’m guessing anxiety is wrong. #anxiety  #run  #mentalhealthblogger  #momblogger  #ymca  #igotthis  #fuckyousad 
We took advantage of a free lane and a free day. Best idea ever. #momblogger #bowlers #imterrible #largefamilylife #pizzaiscoming #sofun #whatadifferenceayearmakes #fuckyousad
Sunday (fun-day) run day! Six miles to the end of Bournemouth Pier and back in the ☀️ ... whacking that SAD right in the face. #southbourne #beachlife #bournemouth #fuckyouSAD #bournemouthpier #iphoneography #seasonalaffectivedisorder #vscocam #running #beachrun
Kevin and I crashed a party this weekend. Can you believe this was our first costume party in our entire marriage? God, I was such a dud. I’m finally feeling like I’m coming out of my shell and enjoying time with people and places and doing things I’d almost always said no to before. Before? I’d never have dressed up let alone showed up to a party I technically wasn’t invited to. But it was SO FUN. And I’m glad I did it. And I’m grateful for these changes. #loveliveshere #fuckyousad
Kevin and I crashed a party this weekend. Can you believe this was our first costume party in our entire marriage? God, I was such a dud. I’m finally feeling like I’m coming out of my shell and enjoying time with people and places and doing things I’d almost always said no to before. Before? I’d never have dressed up let alone showed up to a party I technically wasn’t invited to. But it was SO FUN. And I’m glad I did it. And I’m grateful for these changes. #loveliveshere  #fuckyousad 
Much needed pick me up from kev. Little gestures of much needed care. #loveliveshere #fuckyousad #wawacoffee #notcountingsugartoday
It took me easily 15 years to set foot in a therapist office. All I could think about counseling was the time I was in an inpatient center and how awful and broken and unwanted it made me feel. I could hear only that therapy made me broken or "crazy" or that I needed fixing of sorts. I don't need fixed and I'm not crazy. I just need someone to bounce my stuff off of who is objective. I finally have someone pointing out that it might not be me and who is helping me mold my tools to help me get out all the things I feel and to protect my heart and my soul and my mind. My therapist has pushed me to research things I'd always wanted to but was afraid. She opened my eyes to the marriage of eastern and western medicines and for that matter, religions. She has help me find my inner wild woman. I have a scary doctors appointment today. One that I never would have made before. But I have strength now. Tomorrow I go in front of a judge for the most idiotic thing ever. Waving. And I'm fully confident that not only will I not melt down but I will be able to look him in the eye and say, "it is not a crime to wave. But especially not at the person who's been stalking my family for months. She should know I knew she was watching." I'm not afraid anymore of what you or anyone else thinks of me and I am no longer afraid to point it out and call you out on your bullshit. I'm of value. My feelings matter. I will not be silenced. Therapy helped me find that value. It's helped me find my voice. And my tribe. #mentalhealthmatters #therapistsareheros #fuckyousad #igotthis
It took me easily 15 years to set foot in a therapist office. All I could think about counseling was the time I was in an inpatient center and how awful and broken and unwanted it made me feel. I could hear only that therapy made me broken or "crazy" or that I needed fixing of sorts. I don't need fixed and I'm not crazy. I just need someone to bounce my stuff off of who is objective. I finally have someone pointing out that it might not be me and who is helping me mold my tools to help me get out all the things I feel and to protect my heart and my soul and my mind. My therapist has pushed me to research things I'd always wanted to but was afraid. She opened my eyes to the marriage of eastern and western medicines and for that matter, religions. She has help me find my inner wild woman. I have a scary doctors appointment today. One that I never would have made before. But I have strength now. Tomorrow I go in front of a judge for the most idiotic thing ever. Waving. And I'm fully confident that not only will I not melt down but I will be able to look him in the eye and say, "it is not a crime to wave. But especially not at the person who's been stalking my family for months. She should know I knew she was watching." I'm not afraid anymore of what you or anyone else thinks of me and I am no longer afraid to point it out and call you out on your bullshit. I'm of value. My feelings matter. I will not be silenced. Therapy helped me find that value. It's helped me find my voice. And my tribe. #mentalhealthmatters  #therapistsareheros  #fuckyousad  #igotthis 
Who do you want to be? Me? I want to be like a pineapple. But I especially want to wear that crown. Ha ha. Anxiety and depression do funny things to your self esteem. They tell you that you're worthless or well maybe it's just "you're not worthy". They tell you that you did something to deserve things you do not deserve. Sometimes they tell you that you're ugly or stupid or small or mean. I hate when they tell me I'm mean. I really wish I didn't believe them when they tell me I'm ugly. Be it inside or out. People write their own stories. Other people's reactions to those stories depend on the reader. My story? It's of a brave and heartfelt girl. I just happen to have a lot of villains lately. They'll not win. They seldom do in fairytales. And I'll be sitting here sweet and tall and wearing a crown. Disney style. #fuckyoumean #fuckyousad #loveliveshere
Who do you want to be? Me? I want to be like a pineapple. But I especially want to wear that crown. Ha ha. Anxiety and depression do funny things to your self esteem. They tell you that you're worthless or well maybe it's just "you're not worthy". They tell you that you did something to deserve things you do not deserve. Sometimes they tell you that you're ugly or stupid or small or mean. I hate when they tell me I'm mean. I really wish I didn't believe them when they tell me I'm ugly. Be it inside or out. People write their own stories. Other people's reactions to those stories depend on the reader. My story? It's of a brave and heartfelt girl. I just happen to have a lot of villains lately. They'll not win. They seldom do in fairytales. And I'll be sitting here sweet and tall and wearing a crown. Disney style. #fuckyoumean  #fuckyousad  #loveliveshere 
Twice someone has said this to me this week. This is the best compliment I could receive. Not only am I working towards physical strength, I also have been clinging to my mental and emotional strength. Reminding my self to evaluate every situation and stop believing it when people tell me both literally and passively that I am crazy or emotional or wrong. I'm not wrong.  I am not crazy and my emotions are valid. I am strong and that scares people. It's easier to dumb me down then to hear me out. So, keep telling me I look strong. Because I am. And I'll tell you the same. Because we should build each other up instead of tearing people down. #loveliveshere #fuckyousad
Twice someone has said this to me this week. This is the best compliment I could receive. Not only am I working towards physical strength, I also have been clinging to my mental and emotional strength. Reminding my self to evaluate every situation and stop believing it when people tell me both literally and passively that I am crazy or emotional or wrong. I'm not wrong. I am not crazy and my emotions are valid. I am strong and that scares people. It's easier to dumb me down then to hear me out. So, keep telling me I look strong. Because I am. And I'll tell you the same. Because we should build each other up instead of tearing people down. #loveliveshere  #fuckyousad 
I'm stuck at this weight. I haven't measured inches lately though. Tried a Pound class last night to mix things up. Helped my friend @mary.wowfit was the teacher. She said it burns like 700 calories. If I add some weights to that it should be a nice break from the same old routine. I think I've hit a wall because of food though. I'm back in the cycle of forgetting to eat or not eating enough. In fact last Wednesday I didn't eat at all, took my meds and had a couple glasses of wine and was done. Not pretty. My stomach still hurts. And my anxiety is through the roof and the meds and meditation aren't touching it. At all. My therapist says I'm high functioning. Sometimes I laugh to myself because sometimes this doesn't feel like functioning. Let alone high functioning. Ugh. #selfcare #anxiety #fuckyousad #ymca #poundfitnessclass #myfriendmary
I'm stuck at this weight. I haven't measured inches lately though. Tried a Pound class last night to mix things up. Helped my friend @mary.wowfit was the teacher. She said it burns like 700 calories. If I add some weights to that it should be a nice break from the same old routine. I think I've hit a wall because of food though. I'm back in the cycle of forgetting to eat or not eating enough. In fact last Wednesday I didn't eat at all, took my meds and had a couple glasses of wine and was done. Not pretty. My stomach still hurts. And my anxiety is through the roof and the meds and meditation aren't touching it. At all. My therapist says I'm high functioning. Sometimes I laugh to myself because sometimes this doesn't feel like functioning. Let alone high functioning. Ugh. #selfcare  #anxiety  #fuckyousad  #ymca  #poundfitnessclass  #myfriendmary 
But not today. Or yesterday. And likely not tomorrow. Instead I feel broken and alone and sad. Lots of revisiting of feelings and words people said and so very much hurt and so many questions. Fucking questions. Fuck. I'm offline for now. But I could use some good vibes. Some love. I don't know how to get out of this sad. #fuckyousad #tiredofyouwatching #iamalive #butineedabreak #byebyeblog #tatatwitter
But not today. Or yesterday. And likely not tomorrow. Instead I feel broken and alone and sad. Lots of revisiting of feelings and words people said and so very much hurt and so many questions. Fucking questions. Fuck. I'm offline for now. But I could use some good vibes. Some love. I don't know how to get out of this sad. #fuckyousad  #tiredofyouwatching  #iamalive  #butineedabreak  #byebyeblog  #tatatwitter 
That time you forgot you had goodwill bags in the back as well as football gear and baseball gear and underestimated the size of your cab. And cried at Home Depot and target and in the car. #mentalillnesshell #fuckyousad #howmuchcanigetdonetoday #alltheplacesihavecried
Another late start today. Only got in 45 minutes. Now waiting for my ride at the dealer. They're fixing my door handle. I hope today is a good day. I could use one. Drew comes home. So that will be good. I miss him. #fuckyousad #mentalhealth #brokenvan #loveliveshere
Another late start today. Only got in 45 minutes. Now waiting for my ride at the dealer. They're fixing my door handle. I hope today is a good day. I could use one. Drew comes home. So that will be good. I miss him. #fuckyousad  #mentalhealth  #brokenvan  #loveliveshere 
Out 10 minutes late. Devlynn works at 7. I work at 8. It's the only time to go anymore it seems. Lots of change. So much change. #5am #workoutforme #fuckyousad #lowtide #findmysunshine
This wild woman is so effing there #happilyeverafter #fuckyousad #tiredofworrying
Crafting. So I don't say something I will regret. It's been that kind of day. #loveliveshere #fuckyousad #mentalillnessfeelslike
Today I tore my headphones up on the rower, moved up to the 15 pound free weighs, got to 7 of the 10 burpees assigned to me and decided it's time to get some real workout gear or maybe ditch the second tank. Oh and stalked Ryan. Progress. Building self esteem. Taking care of me. #loveliveshere #iworkout #sweatlikeamother #iamhotashell #fuckyousad #rediscoveredhousemusic #lovemyymca
It took me some time to get brave enough to read these. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm so lost inside this feeling of being an imposter. I went to bed feeling so sad about myself. I woke up to doubt and then I dropped my hair clip and it bounced into these jars. Someone telling me to read. And I'm so glad I did. Except now I need to redo my eyeliner. How'd I get so lucky to have all this love? Even when I cannot find myself in the sad, my tribe loves me and knows where I am. #mytribe❤ #lovestillliveshere #unstoppable #fuckyousad #yourvibeattractsyourtribe
It took me some time to get brave enough to read these. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm so lost inside this feeling of being an imposter. I went to bed feeling so sad about myself. I woke up to doubt and then I dropped my hair clip and it bounced into these jars. Someone telling me to read. And I'm so glad I did. Except now I need to redo my eyeliner. How'd I get so lucky to have all this love? Even when I cannot find myself in the sad, my tribe loves me and knows where I am. #mytribe ❤ #lovestillliveshere  #unstoppable  #fuckyousad  #yourvibeattractsyourtribe 
❤️❤️❤️ #lovestillliveshere #fuckyousad
I was weepy girl at yoga today. Went for mindfulness, felt like I've tremendously failed. And couldn't get into the poses. I still like it but fuck, fail. #nomorewhiterage #yoga #kelliannmat #fuckyousad
I feel very fortunate to have these women that I call friends. They're near and far and even farther but I would have sunk with out each and everyone of them. And oh my gosh the stuff they're going through but still thinking of me and keeping me afloat. Thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I have value and am loved. Thank you for doing some dirty jobs. For laughing at things with me. For guac in hell. Even when you're just there to save us because dude, of course you've secured yourself a place in heaven. I wish I had the same kind of faith. I'm so grateful for all the women, friends in my life. I'm lucky. Really lucky. #sisterhood #theyknowtherules #sistersbeforemisters #fuckyousad #sometimesyouchooseyourfamily #almost20yearsoffriendship
I feel very fortunate to have these women that I call friends. They're near and far and even farther but I would have sunk with out each and everyone of them. And oh my gosh the stuff they're going through but still thinking of me and keeping me afloat. Thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I have value and am loved. Thank you for doing some dirty jobs. For laughing at things with me. For guac in hell. Even when you're just there to save us because dude, of course you've secured yourself a place in heaven. I wish I had the same kind of faith. I'm so grateful for all the women, friends in my life. I'm lucky. Really lucky. #sisterhood  #theyknowtherules  #sistersbeforemisters  #fuckyousad  #sometimesyouchooseyourfamily  #almost20yearsoffriendship 
We hit a big and bad bump but here we are. And it's good. #lovestillliveshere #iamagoddess #170moreyears #wegotthis #fuckyousad #effyootoo
Breaking away from the all black. I looove his shirt. And I needed the pick me up. #bicycleshirt #fuckyousad
I made it. And it's right on. #iamagoddess #fuckyousad
So I tried the manic panic this time. Should of let it fade a little more and holy hell it is everywhere. Let's hope it washes out slower at least. I love it blue. Like love it. But my fingers look like smurfs. Good times. #bluehairdontcare #bluehair #makesmyeyessogreen #fuckyousad #takingbackwhatsmine #iamagoddess
Catchin' some "rays" on this blustery Friday #VitaminD #fakesun #spheregadget #10klux #fuckyouSAD
I finish work at 3:30 on Fridays and I just caught the sunshine for a lil Autumn walk #fuckyouSAD
I finish work at 3:30 on Fridays and I just caught the sunshine for a lil Autumn walk #fuckyouSAD 
I've hibernated for almost two months and now I'm going to put trees on this canvas. I've missed wanting to create things.

#AngieRaePainting #PaintingKeepsMeSane #FuckYouSAD #Acrylics #ICantWaitToAddLeaves #YeayFall
The turn of the season makes me so happy. Not as much as she does though. #stroll #springhassprung #fuckyousad #
Fun in the sun #sun #spring #selfie #fuckyouSAD
Pleased to report that I am not feeling like this, this morning. #fuckyouSAD
Pleased to report that I am not feeling like this, this morning. #fuckyouSAD 
Daily love letters 2015. #fuckyouSAD #selfcare #moleskine
Daily love letters 2015. #fuckyouSAD #selfcare #moleskine
Sometimes you sleep until 1pm and then put on @taylorswift and take care of yourself. #fuckyouSAD #selfcare #farmlife (homemade gf flatbread, crispy tofu with onion & garlic, fresh picked kale massaged in coconut oil, avocado, and vegan "hollandaise" sauce)
Sometimes you sleep until 1pm and then put on @taylorswift and take care of yourself. #fuckyouSAD  #selfcare  #farmlife  (homemade gf flatbread, crispy tofu with onion & garlic, fresh picked kale massaged in coconut oil, avocado, and vegan "hollandaise" sauce)
Hike around Thetis in the most glorious winter sunshine. Thank you @garylold 🌲🌞👌 #gratitude #westcoastbestcoast #fuckyouSAD #selfcare
Afternoon coffee in the most perfect mug. #beautifulgiftsfrombeautifulfriends #fuckyouSAD #selfcare
#nofilter needed this morning for this beautiful view! 😍 So many walks&fields to explore near my new house! 👍 Loving it ☀️🐾🍁🍂🍄🌾🏡🚜
#biophillia #outdoors #sunshine #seasonalaffectivedisorder #fuckyousad #sunshine #explore #morning #timeoff #holiday #newhouse #home #countryside #peaceful #beautiful #lucky #dogwalk #bright #sunny #endorphins #liftyourspirits
I have a love/hate relationship with my sunlamp #fuckyouSAD #Ihatewinter #snowsnowgoaway