I was just trying to chill with the clan but Ammar was adamant on getting a portrait that he wanted me to post to show off his dope portrait skills (check out his dope portrait skills). TBH that’s lowkey the only reason I invited him to NYC, don’t tell him though. He’s a good kid. 📸: @ammarhabib
I used to get told off for grinning the way I do in so now
when my dad smiles for photos, I always tell him not to do that Pakistani smile, you know the one 😐 😂 📸: @justmebreathing #foreveracrookedsmilewithalittlebitoftongue
Somewhere along the way, my commitment to creating disappeared. Life happened.
2017 tested me in many ways - to be honest, I’ve written off the first half of the year (except for the bright spot that was #anahandwaqas ). Things really started changing in the last few months. A switch was turned back on.
Then I did this impulsive shoot with the incredible @justmebreathing (have you seen it? 😏). The thing was, as impulsive as it was, it’s an idea I’ve had again and again but something held me back. 2018 is where that changes!
Thank you for all the love on those pics!! 🖤
I’m continuously looking for inspiration and I would love to know who is inspiring you. PLEASE tag your favourite creatives. Painters, photographers, writers, bloggers…. 🎨
ALSO FUCKING YEAR MADE TODAY WHEN THE TALENTED @AALIISARAH TOOK THIS PORTRAIT OF ME.
Perception • We forget how powerful our minds are, we blame our behaviour and our issues and stresses on others but we have all this power 💪🏻
Power to change the way we see things, the way we understand things and the way we behave. But when emotion takes over, it rushes and it knocks over what’s in its way, all that strength and then we fall 🌊
We have to choose to not let the effects cripple us.
It takes time, practice. And a whole lot of patience with ourselves. So let’s get going again 💁🏻 I got somewhere to be... ⌚️ #zaizaiout [On a side note, totally going to contradict the above - I miss my long hair! 😪] #foreveracrookedsmilewithalittlebitoftongue .
Recovery • A mix of awareness and time. . .
Since uni, these episodes have only happened a handful of times. You know you know better, you know the cause isn’t that bad, you know you’ve been through worse. But oh how all senses goes out the window. This is the second time in a year, the worst of them so far. After 6 days of it, I couldn’t do it anymore.
On the train out of Paris, I don’t know how but I finally felt some control in my hands again. Awake. I felt gratitude. Passion. And slowly joy. I have a long way to go…. I’ll reflect on the things I’m doing another time.
I will say this though. These do not make me broken. Nor screwed up. Most definitely, not weak.
Here’s a 🖕🏼 to anyone who thinks otherwise.
Bye Felicia 👋
If you scroll down my feed, you’ll see a video I made in Paris during this time - capturing the moments where I felt life. It’s super cringe 🙈
Also, last stripe top photo of the year. 😂 Back to Black 🖤
Anxiety • a friend asked me recently: what is it like?
Controlling. I didn’t know I could feel so helpless. The most recent attack, built up for days then at a tipping point - you’re stuck. Abyss. I’m staring at my hands and I can’t move, tears just start coming down. Nothing seems possible. My chest feels tight and I feel sick to my stomach. I somehow make it on the train home, I cry uncontrollably, just short of wailing. I didn’t even care about my surroundings (thank you to the lady who shared a tissue that day). I cried for more hours, till I fell asleep. No words. The tight chest feeling and stress remained for days, and whenever there was a chance (bathroom breaks, lunch breaks, in bed at night) I would just cry.
It’s crippling. . .
Still always the dorky girl with the #foreveracrookedsmilewithalittlebitoftongue in the picture. [to be continued…] #zaizaiout