Update- I want this to end-I’m living my life
I’m so scared and upset-I’m fine
The voices are loud-I’m alone
All of these things on the left are true. I’ve had enough of everything. ‘They’ torment me and bring me down. I don’t know what I’m capable of and that scares me.
I wish that I had a more stable life where I didn’t binge and purge, have depression, anxiety, eupd and ptsd.
I wish I could have a job that I am well enough to keep. I love (or shall I say loved) working with children. I would love to help others with that same diagnoses as me but maybe not for years.
I saw a psychiatric nurse today from Laurel house. I was completely honest with her. She rang the Crisis team and they are going to ring me tonight. I hope they help this time! #honest#update#depression#anxiety#feelinglow#eupd
One thing I'm really good at doing. I can't explain why I do it. Maybe it's the fact that my past relationships of being lied to and cheated on has messed me up so much. I found someone who won't and my thoughts are so complicated. I don't think anyone will ever understand how I feel. I guess I'm just scared of being hurt again.
Anybody who knows me could tell you that in no way shape or form am i religious. If you believe in a god and it works for you then that's completely fine.. I took this photo just before walking into my first narcotics anonymous meeting and i think it is probably the most important door i have ever walked through, . Im lying on my sofa feeling pretty dam tired. The energy and enthusiasm for the day that i had this morning has completely gone. I can feel the anxiety bubbling up inside me. I wish it would just go away. I have no idea how long this deep dark feeling is going to keep appearing in me. I really wish i could just turn it off. I want to go to sleep, but if i sleep for an hour i might not sleep tonight. I'm going to keep writing how I feel on instagram. Its like my own personal therapy let out to the whole world. This is the most honest i think I have ever been and sharing it for anyone to see kinds of helps a bit. #alcoholfree#chemicalfree#mentalhealthawareness#exercise#swimming#feelgood#gym#feelinglow#honesty
Its been a rough week. Devil has been after me for awhile and been fighting hard. The past few days God has revealed things to me that break my heart but are needful. I once again placed my trust in people and was let down. Once again. I know my Heavenly Father is always there for me but the pain of losing what I thought was a friend still stings. A person who gives so much of themselves should never wind up hurt. I feel like an old fool for once again having faith in a human. God put us on this Earth to be kind to one another. To love one another. To be there when someone needs us. All I expect in return is to be treated like I treat others. Guess for someone people the world is so one sided that all they can see are their own wants and needs. I am left feeling alone and used. I think the part that scares me the most is one day I will give up and become just like the rest of the world. I pray daily to never go back to being bitter, mean, and self centered. I am trying to keep the tears back and stay calm because I know if I stay in this frame of mind I will be in a flare before I know it. This is just another bump in the road. My hopes and plans might be put on hold for now but God will make a way for His plans for me to be successful. Honestly do not know what I would do with the comfort of God. #prayerplease#heartbroken#peoplewillalwaysletyoudown#givetoomuch#onesidedfriendship#Iwillriseagain#downbutnotout#dountoothers#pain#feelinglow#spoonieproblems#spoonie#hiddenillness#lupus#fibromyalgia#sjogrenssyndrome
Hadn’t posted anything because to be honest I’ve been feeling pretty down on myself about everything, but basucally I have ended up with second degree burns on my chest (I am not going into detail, but it involves simple human error, my own misjudgements and freshly boiled water). This happened on Wednesday and now, looking at how the burns are doing, on one hand I know it could be much worse, but at he same time I think it’s horrible and ugly and I can’t stop worrying about if it’s going to leave me scarred and if it’ll heal properly. It’s making me feel ugly. I would never think that about someone else if they had burns or scars or anything, but I am always harder on myself. Just feeling blah and thought that sharing how I’m feeling might actually help. Sorry for the ramble. #feelinglow#wanttofeelbetter#overshare#blah#seconddegreeburn#anyadvicewelcome
It’s mental health week ( yes as well as national donut week 😋) As I’ve already spoken about it, I thought that along with other friends that have posted I should also put something up.
Yes I’ve had depression and yes I was one of those that just thought it was nothing much and was all in your head. Well the last part is true... yes it’s a chemical imbalance but it’s far from nothing much! Also it’s not only women that suffer....guys do also, which is fine ( no judging here 😘) Depression is where you can’t sleep, don’t care about yourself so mainly eat crap and you just want to hide away. You feel as though everyone is looking at you and you just feel the lowest of the low. 😰
Mine was a build up of a few things.....I think I got flooded and just started to sink! There is only so much one person can take and we’re all different. You should never feel that you have to apologise for being you. We all have good times and bad and a true friend will stick by you no matter what. —————————————-
I also wanted to put a positive look at it.....things will get better! Last year at one point I didn’t want to be here BUT I turned a corner. I even felt guilty for feeling that! But the biggest thing is I started to get better. Yes it was and is a slow process and I did it in my own way but six months on from giving up my antidepressants I’m doing really well and am still off them!!! I had to come out of my comfort zone which is why I joined a new gym. It was fucking brutal but I had to do it.
Things that would scare me or I’d avoid I was trying to say yes too and to keep moving forward. The result is I’ve made some new friends, I’m focused on my weight loss and my confidence is growing.....plus I’m still saying yes!
I’m so much happier now and am very much a positive person. I’m happy in myself. If you are a negative nancy I have no time which might sound mean but I’m not wasting my time on someone else pulling me down.
Never give up! ———————————————————————-
I need help! So over the past year or so I have slowly but surely been putting on weight. I have gone from a size 8/10 to 12/14. It's now starting to make me feel really low 😔 This is the unhappiest I have felt in a long time, I hate my body and how I look at present. I am trying really hard to shift the fat but i'm not really seeing any results. If anyone can offer any help or advice it would be greatly appreciated. I need the old me back! #weightloss#gym#training#helpneeded#feelinglow#losethefat