Currently me...I’ve had such a mixed day with my mood. I have therapy again tomorrow which I’ve been looking forward to since last session ended. It seems I can’t ever get enough therapy. Probably because of how much of a mess I am. Anyways, my face feels like it’s in a permanent angry state. My muscles are are completely clenched to the point that I cannot open my mouth to speak because of how tight my jaw is clenched. This is honestly preferred though because I have a difficult time interacting with people and communicating when I’m in a depressive wave. Everything makes me so irritable and I sometimes lash out at others for small things. The best thing is to stay inside my body and just do my best to function with the rest of society. This doesn’t always work though because of that alone time being a reason to listen to your thoughts and start believing them. I’m just managing, which is okay, but my ultimate goal is to thrive. I don’t want to be like this forever. I want to be able to articulate my feelings and actually feel better. So, as of now, I really don’t know how I feel because I can’t just isolate one emotion. There’s way too many things to deal with and feelings that are building off of each other. Are you in the same boat of being overwhelmed with emotions? I’m doing the only thing I can do, wait till this depressive episode passes so I can go back to interpreting how I feel and it not being so difficult. -
@lvndrmoon // “I‘m Jana, 23 years old and from Germany. I‘m suffering from a mental illness for about 10 years now. I got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I still struggle with my emotions. I started to build up a system of different personality traits in my mind to cope with everything because sometimes it‘s just exhausting. Sure my happy times are extremely happy but same goes for bad times. I was suicidal and fought with self harm but I overcame these. I know I will have to live with BPD the rest of my life. But that‘s okay because it opens up my mind. For me it‘s important to accept having a mental illness so you can start working on yourself, that is key! I learned a lot about me and life in the last years and I appreciate it so much. You don‘t need to fight the battle alone, it‘s so strong to be able to reach out for help and I hope you‘ll do that when you really need it. That’s what I did and I have to say that it really saved my life. I got medication when I was 18 and I still do. Also getting my cat and dog in 2016/2017 was an important thing. I wouldn’t be able to leave them alone, I wanna stay strong for them because they’re so worth it. It’s not wrong to keep fighting for something or someone. Every reason is great. So stay strong and keep fighting, you owe it to you and I know you‘ll make it! 💖”
art by the incredibly talented @florencegiven // Focus on your recovery, your health, your future, your education, your career, and everything that benefits you in a positive way. Be so committed to loving yourself and your goals that you become untouchable 💫
Jaha, och när ska man orka ta tag i detta? Men en anmälan behöver göras. Läkare får inte behandla patienter hur som helst. -
Vad hade jag gjort om inte @e_josefine talade med mig i telefon och @smedjan10 kom och hämtade mig där jag satt på en trottoar, oförmögen att röra på mig?
Chock. Smärta. Ilska och sedan dissocierad. -
Har tappat all tillit till läkare. Kan inte lita på någon. #läkare#felbehandlad#patientnämnden#gällivarepsykiatri#nollrespekt#dissociation#ingentillit
The recovery road is never linear in the mental illness world 😳. So I’m in a great phase, came out of a depressive spell a few weeks ago and I have managed to contain and avoid the mania period that usually follows by being proactive and taking care of my body and being attentive to my behaviours. Yet here I am huddled under my 8kg weighted blanked in order to feel real in my body again, desperately sniffing essential oils to snap myself out of dissociation and controlling my breathing through the rhythmic reading of poetry. Even though you may not be working on anything specifically triggering in a therapy session, sometimes it hits you by surprise, the nature of opening up and talking about your inner most demons means that occasionally you will come across a connection you were not anticipating. In my case a connection between one of my OCD compulsions and a past trauma. I made it out of the session without a full on melt down, only because my therapist knows me so well she can catch dissociation and bring me back before it really takes hold. I get a little quiet, flat affect takes ahold of my face, and my breathing shallows. The world and my body are beginning to not feel real. I thought I was ok. We would talk about this next week or maybe through email before my next session if it’s really getting to me. But no, i was not ok. I pop into Tesco on my way home, feel a little on edge but nothing major. Next thing I know I must have been staring at the yogurts for a long enough time for a member of staff to tap me on the shoulder and ask if I needed to sit down. I felt like I was going to faint, like I was floating looking at myself and that my body wasn’t real. I had lost time in a dissociative state something that hasn’t happened in public for at least a year and a half. I was grateful for the concern however I think this really highlights to me how everyone could benefit from the knowledge sufferers learn in therapy such as how to ground someone when they are dissociating or panicking. Mental first aid is so important and I think classes should be mandatory in schools. #mentalhealth#mentalwellness#mentalhealthrecovery#anxiety#dissociation#stigmafighter
This is probably my favourite book about compassion and training in compassion meditation techniques. Thupten combines science, stories from his own life as a former buddhist monk and now academic, and his work as one of the creators of the Compassion Cultivation Training course at Stanford University. The meditations in the book are all secularised versions of buddhist meditations, many of which use visualisation. They're simple but very effective ways of cultivating a sense of compassion and kindness towards yourself and others. I've put some quotes from the book in my Stories feed as well as one of the meditations, and will add them to the Highlights section on my profile. I can't recommend this book enough in terms of helping cope with illness and pain and life in general. I've owned it for a few years now and it's been a constant source of inspiration and a great reference for compassion knowledge. It's going for just under £7 on Amazon right now which I think is a bargain.
I've been struggling with dissociation and panic today, which is such a lovely combination... not. Reading and writing have helped to distract me and I'm very grateful for them. One day I hope I will heal from these illnesses but for now I'm doing the best I can with a difficult situation. There are still many worthwhile things I can and am trying to do while I'm limited by them. Everyone can make an impact in their own small way.
Trauma emocional infantil y la perpetración de acoso cibernético entre adultos emergentes: un modelo de mediación múltiple del papel del uso problemático de las redes sociales y la psicopatología
La investigación sugiere que una pequeña minoría de usuarios de redes sociales experimentan problemas como resultado de su uso en línea. El propósito del presente estudio fue examinar la asociación de la perpetración ciberacoso y el uso problemático de las redes sociales con el trauma emocional infantil, los rasgos de personalidad del grupo B (narcisista, histriónico, antisocial y límite), las experiencias disociativas (DE), la depresión y el autodominio estima en una muestra de estudiantes no clínicos. Un total de 344 estudiantes universitarios se ofrecieron como voluntarios para completar un cuestionario que incluía medidas sobre las dimensiones antes mencionadas. Treinta y ocho por ciento de los participantes tuvieron negligencia emocional y 27% tuvieron abuso emocional, mientras que el 44% de ellos demostraron al menos un comportamiento de perpetración ciberacoso. Los resultados indicaron que los perpetradores de acoso cibernético obtuvieron puntuaciones más altas en el uso problemático de las redes sociales, las experiencias disociativas, los rasgos del grupo B, la depresión y los traumas emocionales infantiles, y una menor autoestima. El análisis de la ruta demostró que, mientras se ajustaba por sexo y edad, el trauma emocional infantil se asociaba directa e indirectamente con la perpetración de acoso cibernético a través de los rasgos del Grupo B. Además, la depresión y la disociación se asociaron directamente con el uso problemático de las redes sociales. Los hallazgos de este estudio enfatizan el importante papel directo del trauma emocional infantil y los rasgos patológicos de la personalidad en la perpetración de acoso cibernético. #Ciberbullying#problemático#Redessociales#socialmedia#TraumaInfantil#Personality#Dissociation#Depression
TW: mention of sexual assault (inc CSA) - no details
Lots of threads tie our sense of identity together. People look at a photograph of themselves as a child and know it was them, all because of these little threads of memory. Mine have been violently unpicked.
From the ages of 3 til 19, I’ve been sexually assaulted. Different men, different ways, I don’t know how many times, sometimes I don’t even know who, but the same end result - traumatisation. Each assault cut another thread, tore another hole, and eventually we began to unravel.
Now I am sewing us back together again, with kindness. We have therapy later today and I’m stressed because it’s painful and sometimes I get spiked with the needle. Not all the parts co-operate. It’s very fiddly work but I’m getting better at it.
I am not a broken person. We are a rich tapestry of parts, and it is beautiful.