At long last. I’ve added the letters cmsrn to the end of my name, and now I can focus, with an ardour unquenchable, on learning to interpret the symbols of the tarot. A patient actually gifted me the Alister Crowley deck (among the other trinkets and instruction in the photo), but then he took it back. So josh bought me a nicer one, and this Gerd Ziegler handbook to guide the exploration into my inner reality, to gain a glimpse into the mysteries of the Universe in its all encompassing cosmic order. 🔮🌜🌞
Freestyle 005 ————————————————————————
This Life is just a interlude
Hard choices; you win or lose
You got to be clairvoyant
and let the vision through
You thinking spiritual
I'm thinking Medi-physical
The present in is lie
The pain that you feeling is minuscule
Peep the hole in your soul
And let the light splinter through
Know the pain you feeling
prolly can make any nigga loose,
Down on your last
But you got to let it Deliver you
To higher place
Know them transitions is pivotal
A small reflection of self
For What is or isn't true
God is so intentional
He got no intent to lose
Could of prevented it
But Then again
What is Free will,
Without the lesson and
Would his power be ridiculed? ‘He got no bad intent so
There's no mistakes
No mishaps, no accidental
It's all in mental
It's all in the mind
Spark heart all you can find
Is in the body
But the body gon die
All in due time ---------- #necrophobia#hypochondria#antycophobia#mentalpain#deathandlife#fear#prayer#prevail#live#raw#brooklyn#faith#deliver#god#him
.:. A piece of my new video, feat. the funeral of Luna .:. This is a little #GoPro piece from August, after I came back from Shambhala. Because of the #POV I can feel being there, playing with Luna & the window. It makes me happy I had the ability to leave this memory untouched & saved forever .:. Link for the entire video in my bio or copy-paste https://youtu.be/T3QbCcnwvV4 .:. It would mean so much to me, if you do watch this “Death & Life” experience down the memory lane .:. @pachapapa @of.ash.and.earth
Wenn Du fort bist scheinen mir die Tage etwas schwerer und vor allem nicht so breit. Läge man die Stunden auf die Waage wögen sie ein Stück der Ewigkeit. Oma 👵 du wirst für immer in meinem Herzen bleiben ...
Death and life - 1915.
This is one of Klimt’s central themes, central also to his time and to his contemporaries among them Edvard Munch and Egon Schiele. Klimt makes of it a modern dance of death, but unlike Schiele, he introduces a note of hope and reconciliation, instead of feeling threatened by the figure of death, his human beings seem to disregard it. The imagination of the artist is focused no longer on physical union, but rather on the expectation that precedes it. Perhaps this new found serenity is rooted in Klimt’s own awareness of aging and closeness to death.
“Do not let this Book of the Torah depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you guard to do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and act wisely.
Yehoshua (Joshua) 1:8 TS2009
All my life I had been asleep
Until my first attempt at death
Where I popped tablets
Hoping to hop on the first train home
No matter the crowding hustle
The stifling bustle
And the cacophony of human songs
All unheard -
All I wanted was to get out of there
Get out of this body
And be somewhere, neither here nor there, but away;
I could not afford a rocket,
But tablets? Death by overdose is better than jumping off the moon, better than being consumed by a soundless abyss of no oxygen, and only untethered, aimless satellites for company
Now that's a sad death.
But I digress
I speak of my regression into a quick impression of death
To escape a repression that's life and offer a blow to the supression courtesy my mind
But I digress
For I plan to offer a happily ever after
Of how I became a Goalcast video
Or 10 million views TED talk
Or an Oprah or a Times Influential
But well. Yeah.
Else I wouldn't be here. A sad writer awake at 1.53 am.
Still. I am a survivor still.
Still. I am here. Still.
Still. I speak and share and rant and digress. Still.
I lost and cried and pained and... And held my body in the lonely space of human life
And held my body as seasons passed by
And held my body for none did - people are busy and you are not a liability. You're their friend and daughter and sister and every other human relation except to be a real time witness to your collapse and drain.
But I digress.
I left a lot of things behind.
And people and places and memories and moments and emotions and feelings and thoughts and prayers and grudges and my mess behind.
A lot of lot behind
For I am my own God,
My own goosebumps inducing Goalcast
My own fairy godmother
My own godamned heroine
And I don't digress.
Go give yourself unexplainable love
Else remain comatose in the human dream.
Image : @la.melancolique
This sweet gentle boy Juno, our family dog, passed away when I was home in California. He was part of our family for 14 years and I dreamt a sweet dream of him last night. He was always so kind and loving towards all life. I am amazed at how sweet he was up until his dying moments even though he was so uncomfortable. I learned a lot from this pup and miss him dearly. I am grateful for his cheerful and playful heart and for the smile he always beamed from his heart. He was also very mischevious, very coyote like. Thank you Juno for being with us so long. We miss you. #pupsofinstagram#sweetdog#oldman#dogsandcats#gentle#deathandlife
✨ As I sit with the confusion and pain that comes with experiencing death, I am noticing a need in me that is not being met. I have been working really fucking hard on my own healing for the past 4 years - studying, seeing clients, workshops (so. many. workshops), therapy, food - and yet I’m missing something.
Life is an incredible gift and gathering to honour joy and celebration is crucial, but why don’t I gather with my community to honour pain, death, insecurity, anger and other very real emotions that are part of this human experience.
I want to create an ongoing space where people can feel safe to express what needs to be processed and let it leave their bodies in whichever way feels right to them. Be witnessed, held, seen and heard in a community without judgement or advice. This is healing.
This is something I experience at school and with graduation approaching I felt the anxiety of having that space be a distant memory, when it doesn’t need to be. 💡
Using my pain to create healing and beauty is the only constant purpose I’ve felt in my life and using today’s pain to brainstorm how to bring this community alive is feeding my soul while I tend to the heartbreak of losing a friend. If collective healing (aka group therapy kinda, sorta) is something you’ve thought about, if you’re curious or if it scares the living shit out of you - reach out :) I’d love to hear about what you need so I can create something that can support a broader range of people.
If your heart is tender today - sit and listen. Your heart is wiser than you. As @nayyirah.waheed wrote, ‘Do not disrespect your heart by hearing what it needs and giving it the opposite’. A lesson I have to remind myself of every. damn. day.
Sending love to my spunky as fuck childhood friend Becks, our community that was lucky enough to know her and to her family.