I wish I could turn off comments for this #LentUnEdited . It’s not dire, although you can tell I’m in heavy meditation over it, but it’s the work I’ve been given this #Lent and this is just a diary entry is all. I’d call it a “Progress Report,” but it doesn’t seem like there IS any ha! We’re a little over half-way and I don’t know that I’m any further along then when we set out. // “Dorothy, I hope he finds something wrong with you!” The Golden Girls. She has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome but no one has named it yet, people just keep throwing accusations at Dorothy’s symptoms, but no one has a diagnosis. With my problem I used to get, “Oh, you actors are so dramatic, are you acting now?” and now I get, “Why do you let things ‘like that’ bother you, why does s/he get under your skin like that, I don’t know why, but things tend to upset you more than they should.” Hmmmm … lovingly said? but you meant to say “more than other people,” please don’t should all over me. Fantastic, so I get diagnoses of #ClassicIntrovert and being a Highly Sensitive Person #HSP , but that doesn’t stop the fact that every time I have a “spell,” a breakdown, an outburst, I feel like a COMPLETE BUTThole. Every time I become offended or hurt and express my feelings about the moment directly at hand, I feel like all the years of goodness, kindness, peace, love, and joy I’ve sewn in to the world has vanished in that one moment. I’ve been discovered (#ImposterSyndrome !) and now everyone can see me for the sham, the broken hollow shell I really am, and I sit right down at the top of the shame spiral and slide, WHEE ! Now, if I have shame and consider myself an impostor, that makes me sound like I think I’ve built myself up in my mind to be some paragon of wholeness and Gnosis all along but NOTHING could be farther from the truth, ew. But if one of the things known about me is that I say I "go to church” all the time, that I proclaim I walk under the auspices of not only some groovy first century mystic known for non-judgment and peace, PLUS ! a panoply of mythical spiritual beings AND I’m going all the time...
Excuse the bad photography, I feel so awks taking snaps of my food if I’m eating alone 😆 Wrote an exam this morning and this year of uni is now over! To celebrate in #classicintrovert style I treated myself to brunch alone at #flauraandfauna ❤️great food but pity about the loud horrible music and sadly it’s next to a grill place so you have to smell meat while eating vegan food which is super weird
So I have spent the better part of my weekend researching about introverts as part of my self discovery journey. And how greatly liberating this journey has been, when you have spent the past 23yrs of your life feeling like you are an anomaly and it turns you are very normal. :
How did I start this journey, you ask, well, the otherday I was reading Hebrews 11:34 "whose weakness was turned to strength; & who became powerful in battle..." this verse got to me, so I wrote down a list of all my weaknesses knowing that God will turn them into strength.
Well! Guess what most of my weaknesses were not real, they are just how I was designed. I am an introvert by design(God made me this way) and I cant change me, I just have to learn to love me. To love my introversion.
It is said the greatest love story is the one on embracing/loving yourself. So currently learning how to love all me including my introverted self because Jesus loves me just the way I am. #selfimage#selfdiscovery#introvert#quietrevolution#classicintrovert#INFJ#Godlovesme#introvertawareness
Running out right now to get a copy of this month's @collectivehub featuring an article by my wonderful client, @katewhitecoach! She's celebrating quietly, but I'm so freaking excited for her, I'm shouting it from the rooftops! Regram from @lisamessenger