(swipe for improved process videos!) 'Mourning Jewelry' 💎💎💎💎💎💎💎 'I Don't Want
To Mourn the
Me I Was.
I Want a Chance
To Love the Me
I Am." ---- I had a lot of time to think rocking my baby for endless hours in a dark room pacing back and forth. Most of the time my thoughts drifted back to the past. It was like a movie of my life was playing constantly in the background. Because there was no other stimuli for days and days besides near constant screaming, it was the most visceral, real-seeming mind movie I've ever experienced. I got to see my weaknesses, flaws, and regrets replayed and magnified by hindsight. But also, this deep self reflection presented this new me that was just born along with my daughter, with the past me, and it was like watching someone die. I'm not sure if other moms can relate. I tend to over-introspect. It wasn't that I didnt want to be a mom or that I wasn't happy, more that I was in limbo. I didn't know the new me in this alien body post-pregnancy with all these new emotions, but I also knew the old me was gone. At some point you find a happy medium where you discover some parts of the old you were reincarnated into the new you, but that limbo feeling is a strange, exciting, joyful and scary place to be.
Mourning jewelry was a thing in Victorian times. Here you will see me with an earring of my 'old me's hair.
I used a picture I took for my reference this time because of the weird angle. My eyes are shown downward as they were so often, looking at my daughter.
Name: Perri Honda
Sexuality: Demisexual Straight
Appearance: Perri mostly wears a off sleeve turquoise dress with a black undershirt. She also wears black leggings and has turquoise shoes. She has light blue eyes and has brown neck length hair and brown tail. Her bangs are on her right side.
Personality: She is cold and serious. She has trust issue, but once she gets to know the person, she is nicer and will protect them. But she does loves kids and is generally nicer to them than she is to adults. Which is why she took Lilly (future OC) in and takes care of her like a mother/ sister figure. She’s a tomboy and she’s stronger than she looks. Family: Perri’s mother is deceased and she wants nothing to do with her father. Lilly is like a little sister to her.
Likes: Lilly, muffins, cats, anime, blue, drawing, and reading
Dislikes: Her father, Lilly getting hurt, girly things, loud noises, and annoying people
Backstory: Perri used to live with both of her parents. Perri and her family has powers so they have to act like “normal” humans. But her mother died from a illness when she was five years old and her father left for a another woman. Her father wanted nothing to do with Perri, so she has to take care of herself. This cause how the way she acts and her hatred for her father.
Mama and papa bear would joyfully do anything for baby bear.
Striking the balance between discipline and creative freedom in my daughter is tough. She is ridiculously head strong, determined and endlessly creative. My heart keeps telling me to embrace the mess. "Who cares if there's sparkles everywhere for months after this?" Or, "don't worry, it's washable paint". And "it's fine, blake won't die, it's non-toxic". Half the time I want to pull out my hair from the mess that's made during her creative spouts... but then I look back at my own studio desk and shut my mouth. 😂😂😂
This painting is a special gift, so the original is not available. There will be some limited edition prints available at markets. (Come visit!)
Paper: @khadipapers #khadihandmade#khadipapers